IS FALLING FOR SOMEONE NON MONOGAMOUS A DEALBREAKER?
PICTURE THIS: YOU’RE AT A PARTY, AND YOU LOCK EYES WITH SOMEONE ACROSS THE ROOM. THE CHEMISTRY IS ELECTRIC, AND AFTER HOURS OF DEEP CONVERSATION AND LAUGHTER, YOU FEEL LIKE YOU’VE MET YOUR MATCH. BUT JUST WHEN YOU’RE VISUALISING DREAMY WEEKEND GETAWAYS AND NETFLIX CUDDLES, THEY DROP THE BOMBSHELL: THEY’RE INTO ETHICAL NON-MONOGAMY. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN THE PERSON WHO SEEMED FULL OF POTENTIAL DOESN’T SHARE YOUR MONOGAMOUS OUTLOOK? IS IT DEAL-BREAKER, OR JUST A RELATIONSHIP HURDLE TO NAVIGATE?
I recently wrote an article on this for POPSUGAR where I included the following ethical non-monogamy starter pack:
Get schooled: Before you swipe left on the idea, take a minute to educate yourself. Read up, listen to podcasts, or chat with people who are nailing the non-monogamy game.
Know your relationship must-haves: First things first, let’s figure out what’s non-negotiable for you. Are you all about that exclusive, “just you and me” kind of love? If so, cosying up to someone who’s into ethical non-monogamy might be a bumpy ride.
Spill the tea: Open up that emotional suitcase and let your partner peek inside. Share all your worries, fears, and boundaries. A little honesty now could save a lot of Kleenex later.
Check your emotional baggage: Ask yourself — and be real about it — are you emotionally ready for this walk on the non-monogamous wild side? And is your crush up for doing the emotional heavy lifting to help you adapt?
Test drive: Set some ground rules and go for a trial run. Keep those lines of communication wide open and do regular check-ins with your emotional GPS to see how you’re vibing with this new setup.
Phone a friend (or a pro): If you’re feeling way out of your league, it’s totally fine to bring in an outside perspective who knows the ethical non-monogamy ropes.
It’s clear that the old-school “one-size-fits-all” approach to love is being challenged.
So ask yourself? In the search for ‘the one’, are we confining ourselves to a singular narrative, or is there actually room in our hearts for multiple love stories?
Read the full article here.
Until next week!
Nicole is a certified trauma-informed dating and relationship coach who specialises in helping people navigate the complex world of modern love and dating as well as attract and cultivate healthy relationships. Her areas of focus include mindset, attachment, trauma, relationship patterning, inner child and abandonment wounds, communication, conflict management, trust issues, confidence, co-dependency, boundary work, breakups, and infidelity.
