HOW DO I OVERCOME REJECTION?
WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THAT THE DREADED 'NO', THE GHOSTING, AND THE 'READ' BUT UNANSWERED MESSAGES, ARE ALL NOT AS CATASTROPHIC AS THEY SEEM? IN FACT, THEY'RE YOUR STEPPING STONES TO SOMETHING BETTER, SOMETHING AUTHENTIC, SOMETHING UNDENIABLY YOU.
THIS WEEK, WE'RE SHEDDING THE CLOAK OF DESPAIR AND TURNING THE TABLES ON THAT TERRIFYING BEAST WE CALL REJECTION. SAY GOODBYE TO NURSING WOUNDS AND HELLO TO EMPOWERING REDIRECTION.
Picture this, you’ve found the courage to put yourself out there and you get a 'no' or, worse, you're ghosted. Ouch! But what if I told you that rejection isn't the heart-wrenching monster you've made it out to be?
Let's start by shattering the preconceived notion of rejection. Too often, we take that 'no' as a personal failure. Instead, think of rejection as nothing more than redirection. It’s life's sassy GPS nudging you onto the path that's more your speed, one that’ll take you to a destination that aligns with your authentic self. You aren’t losing out on a relationship; you’re being rerouted to something—or someone—more in sync with you.
You shouldn’t be everyone’s cup of tea, and not everyone should be yours. Let's face it, dating isn't a one-size-fits-all game. It's a complex tango of compatibility, chemistry, and timing. You're unique, with quirks and attributes that make you 'you'. Not everyone will appreciate those elements and that's okay, because the goal is to find someone who does.
Here's a mantra to live by: Say 'no' more often. And expect to hear it as well. Why? Because this is your life we're talking about! You’re allowed to be selective about who you want to spend your time, energy, and emotions on. This isn't about being dismissive or unkind, but about acknowledging what doesn't align with you.
Now, let's chat about dating. It's not a pass/fail test; it's a discovery journey that exposes your likes, dislikes, boundaries, and everything in between. Every date, every 'no', every 'not feeling it’, every ‘ick’ is an opportunity to learn more about who you are and what you're seeking. So, stop giving the outcome so much power. Embrace the experience, enjoy the process, and let the journey guide you towards self-understanding.
And remember this golden rule: People's behaviour towards you says more about them than it does about you. Did they ghost you? That speaks to their communication skills. Not interested in a second date? That’s about their preferences, not your worth. Don’t let someone else's actions determine your self-perception.
Sure, online dating can feel like a savage battlefield where you're trying to dodge the slings and arrows of 'unlikes' and 'unread' messages. But here's the 411: You are more than a swipe, and someone’s lazy left thumb doesn't define your worth. Don’t let it drag you down.
If your dating life feels like a dreary Groundhog Day, with the same lacklustre results playing on repeat, it’s time to flip the script. As a dating and relationship coach, I've seen clients stuck in a dizzying spin cycle of dating déjà vu. Together, we map out dating strategies that suit you. So, don’t beat your head against a closed door, change your approach instead!
As for the gut-wrenching post-intimacy ghosting or the dreaded “it’s not you, it’s me” line. Your trust is a precious commodity. Don’t throw it around like confetti at a parade. It's crucial to let trust be earned before diving headfirst into commitment or intimacy. But, if the same tune keeps playing, it's time to hit pause and reflect. Ask yourself: What’s going on? Why am I stuck on replay? It’s time to break that toxic cycle and strike a new rhythm.
Remember, each rejection is a chance to learn. Instead of spiralling into self-blame, see it as an opportunity for growth. Ask yourself: How did I contribute to this? Could I have been more authentic? What can I do better next time? Reflecting on these questions shifts the power back to you, empowering you to shape your future romantic endeavours.
It’s also important to recognise that in many ways dating is a performance. And like any performer will tell you, it takes practice. Hone your dating game. It's not just about what you're feeling, but ensuring your date is vibing too. Mind your words, your tone, your gestures, and your listening skills. Deliver a performance that leaves a lasting impression.
And here's the final curtain call: Despite the sting of rejection, the unopened messages, or the unmatched swipes, never settle. Picking a partner is like choosing a home—it needs to be your perfect sanctuary! It's a decision that requires sharp judgment, patience, and an absolute refusal to make do with a fixer-upper or settle for anything less than your worth. So, even if the journey feels like climbing Everest, the final destination—finding someone who truly understands and appreciates you—is so worth it. Keep striding, keep thriving, and remember to relish the journey. After all, you're worth every step!
Remember though, finding alignment isn't always easy —it takes time, patience, and resilience. It's about finding someone who resonates with your core values, shares your vision, and, most importantly, appreciates you for who you are.
The next time rejection rears its head, keep this in mind: it’s not about you, it’s about redirection to a relationship that's genuinely meant for you. Don't fear rejection, redefine it. So, when and if that 'no' comes knocking, try to welcome it as an opportunity for growth.
Until next week!
Nicole is a certified trauma-informed dating and relationship coach who specialises in helping people navigate the complex world of modern love and dating as well as attract and cultivate healthy relationships. Her areas of focus include mindset, attachment, trauma, relationship patterning, inner child and abandonment wounds, communication, conflict management, trust issues, confidence, co-dependency, boundary work, breakups, and infidelity.
